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“We’re in Miami, b-tch.” Get ready to hear that phrase a lot this summer now that Jersey Shore  Season 2 is upon us. Editors Robyn and Gina are here to provide the world with a recap of the gem that is this MTV show. So let’s get to it!

The new season picks up with everyone getting ready to leave the cold and snow behind as they head to Miami. After all, what’s the point of staying if — in the words of Pauly D — “You can’t tan in this weatha. You can’t creep in this weatha. You can’t do anything.”

J-Woww and Snooki decide to take a road trip down to Miami with 600 pounds of bronzing paraphernalia in tow. Believe it or not, Snooki doesn’t go tanning anymore — but not because she wised up about the health concerns. “I don’t go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent sales tax on tanning. And I feel he did that intentionally for us,” she complains. “McCain would never put a 10 percent tax on tanning.” You’re right, Snooks. Obama drafts his tax initiatives around you.

Meanwhile, The Situation and Pauly D road-trip as well and wind up stuck in the mud in a random cornfield down South while trying to “blow s–t up” with a shopping cart full of fireworks. Angelina, meanwhile, prepares for her return to the house by taking us inside her bikini wax session (thank you for that, Angelina.) And Sammi “Single” is no longer dating Ronnie, so living with him will clearly be a good time.

Pauly D and Sitch are the first to arrive and call dibs on a three-person bedroom. Angelina comes in next fully believing everyone should give her another chance even though she left the show last season — garbage bag in tow — after all of three minutes. She immediately latches onto Pauly D and Sitch, and invites herself to move into their room. They don’t seem to be thrilled about the idea at first. “I don’t want the drama in Miami, but then again maybe there’ll be a slow night, it’s raining, we got no chicks — you never know what can happen,” says Pauly.

Sammi enters the house and isn’t very receptive to Angelina’s attempt at a peace offering. Vinny arrives next, followed by big Ronnie (much more beefed up since the reunion). The tension between Ronnie and Sammi is predictable — and extremely uninteresting.

J-Woww and Snooki give Angelina the cold shoulder because they say she trash-talked them after last season. But Angelina doesn’t care because she thinks she’s one of the boys, despite the fact the guys don’t like her either. “I’m just looking forward to seeing the fireworks,” says Sitch. “I’m gonna have my little sparkler in the corner.”

The gang heads out for their first night out, but the girls don’t even make it out of the cab without a fistfight almost breaking out. J-Woww is ready to jump in the backseat and rip Angelina’s hair out after she makes a comment that really gets everyone going.

As the night — and intoxication level — progresses, Ronnie and Sam get into a fight as usual, but he gets pretty vicious with his drunken words. Sam, J-Woww and Snooki head home, leaving the others to get even more belligerently drunk and stupid at the club — especially Ronnie, who winds up hooking up with what Sitch calls “grenades” (“a bigger ugly chick”) and “landmines” (“a thin ugly chick”). But he’s happy as a clam.

The night ends with fist pumping, Sammi crying, and Ronnie hooking up with two chicks — simultaneously.